2. Mount Eerie - “Toothbrush / Trash”
Much of what was said about the last song holds true for this one as well. Only whereas the other was still firmly steeped within the shadow of death, this one represents that first grueling step out of the darkness and back into the light of the living. It’s a feeling that should feel good, and yet in the moment one can’t help but feel guilty for indulging in it. It’s the second goodbye, and it takes place after the purgatory of shock, as one slowly adjusts and becomes accustomed to their new state of reality. It’s almost as if the mind takes time to catch up to the physical, and then by the time it finally does, it’s grown so used to the sadness, cherishing the pain in a way, that it can’t help but miss the eventual absence.
You can sense the existence of that tension within this song. There’s an effervescent quality to the music – a tinge of happiness, like peeling back a layer of black paint to reveal a bright yellow beneath. However, the lyrics function as the black paint, and they’re not quite ready to let go. They’re thick and heavy, either congealing together or tearing apart before any momentum can be reached. No line sums this up better than beginning to feel good, or better, and yet proclaiming that “it does not feel good” – that moving on is somehow undesirable and uncomfortable, or something that you’re not ready to accept.
It’s a heartbreaking sensation – different than the initial pain, but equally as poignant. Having experienced (and continuing to experience this feeling more or less every day), I can relate to the tension, and find a sort of masochistic solace in the beautiful poetry of the sadness. The opening lines are particularly devastating, but in a subdued fashion, almost as if you we’re to watch a city erode in fast-forward. It’s not sudden or extreme – in fact, its actually quite unnoticeable in the moment, and yet from the vantage of your unique perspective the loss is no less major or sad.
What I’m referring to is the subdued devastation of realizing that the images captured within pictures and videos are beginning to replace the actual memories and experiences of someone’s existence. It’s probably one of the saddest things to come to terms with – to realize that even the ghosts that haunt a place can disappear, that they can fade, and that someone’s personhood and vibrancy can be reduced to murky memories, inaccurate dreams, and two-dimensional faded images. Death consumes all in the end, and despite its inevitability you can’t help but feel responsible, to feel guilty for failing to do the impossible.
