7. Kanye West - “Only One (Feat. Paul McCartney)”

I have yet to find a song that captures the aftermath of loss more perfectly than this one. It’s not grandiose or immaculate like most things Kanye, but rather real and raw. There’s a sincerity to it, almost like a prayer or a fit of emotional silence where you just sit still and feel the emotions as they flow through you. I remember when it first came out there was a photo going around the Internet showing how Kanye had scribbled the song on a piece of scrap paper only moments before recording. You can sense that sincerity coursing through the veins of the track. As if he found himself within a moment of clarity surrounded by both the pains of his loss and the joys of his newfound love. He wanted to justify them both, but the two emotions were tangling with each other, overlapping and intertwining until he wasn’t sure which was which or whether he was feeling happy or sad. There was no dichotomy, no black and white, there was just a pool of emotion, a pool that he then dove into and embraced.

It was this quality that resonated so strongly with me, and in turn helped me navigate through my own loss. I could quote the whole song for significance, but the line that has caused me to tear up more than any other would have to be  - “And if you knew how proud I was, you’d never shed a tear, have a fear, no you wouldn’t do that.” - Losing a parent unexpectedly and long before their time is a tumultuous experience. It leads to an ever-looming question mark, a sense of incompleteness, and a lack of the approval and reassurance that we all so desperately and deeply long for. When coupled with the fact that you’re no longer able to share achievements, milestones and newfound loves with said parent, that loss is suddenly echoed all the stronger. It resonates and you realize that your life is forever separated, split into two eras, two epochs of time that will never truly mix, a ‘pre’ and ‘post’, where one love will never be able to know or interact with the other. You lose the ability to connect your worlds, and you’re left guessing or projecting in the absence. You’re forced to become the bridge between both worlds, a role you never wanted or asked for, and some days the connection provides comfort, and others it weighs down upon you, as you feel yourself being crushed under the sheer weight of grasping emotions.