8. Jens Lekman - “How Can I Tell Him”
Society is full of restrictions. Both those that are explicitly stated by the laws and the physics that govern our material reality, and also the more subtle and implied expectations and norms that govern our social interactions. Now, just to be clear, I am aware of the nature of oppression, and how prejudice and discrimination have to be paired with power in order to truly have an effect of disenfranchisement. So please don’t interpret the following commentary as some perverse claim of reverse-sexism. I’m not trying to say men have it worse than women, or even trying to place this complaint upon the same level as all of the countless material and social bullshit women have to deal with on a daily basis living within the confines of the patriarchy.
However, that being said, I do think that there is a harmful, and very often self-imposed, limitation that society places upon the humanity and emotional depth/clarity of men. From an early age men are taught to swallow, hide, and deny their emotions – or even worse, channel their emotions into gross displays of machismo, anger, caustic humor, and aggression. Men are conditioned to isolate themselves and separate their emotional experience of reality from their physical experience of reality. In doing so, the male experience of reality becomes cheapened and constrained. Entire avenues of possibility are closed, and not because its beneficial to male development or the evolution of the human species, but simply because young boys are steered away from such exploration by a tradition of shame, criticism, and guilt.
Luckily, as evidenced by this beautifully poetic and all too relatable song, progress is being made. Men are beginning to feel more comfortable exploring, and more importantly, expressing their emotions (I credit growing up with the genre of Emo… just kidding, but only sort of). However, even those of us who are finally making an effort to question such traditions still find ourselves limited by our conditioning. We inevitably feel awkward and almost pained expressing ourselves, especially to our male friends, and so instead we’re left to channel our emotions in other more creative, subtle, and sterile ways. Emotional depth becomes superficial and love becomes watered down as it’s filtered through a layer of nonchalance, leaving us only to express its existence through half hugs, subtle cadences and inflections, and yes, even disguised phrases like “later dude”.
